adjusted script

this is the adjusted version of script. It think it still needs a bit more work but this is what ive got so far. I like the idea of incorporating the train into his daily routine but im still not sure how to put it in without messing with the rest of his routine, bearing in mind that it should be at 12, as this is the time he tries to kill himself

Delayed – working title

A fairly respectable looking middle aged man lives his life perfectly on time and in routine. He lives in a large, comfortable looking house with all the insides that would be expected from any normal person, except for an increased amount of clocks, calendars and timetables scattered around. His daily routine runs as follows; He wakes up at exactly 7.30, he puts his slippers on at 7.35, he has a shower at 7.50, he gets dressed at 8.10, he makes toast at 8.20, he watches television for exactly 8 minutes at 8.25, he leaves for work at 8.35, he sits at his desk at 9.00, he goes to the toilet at 1.15, he leaves his desk at 5.30, he arrives home at 5.55, he turns on the microwave at 6.10, he starts watching television with his microwave dinner at 6.15, he goes to bed at 9.30, he falls asleep at 9.45. He never planned for his life to end up this way but once the routine started he found it impossible to escape and with no real friends or relatives he simply saw no reason too. This mundane routine unfolds throughout 5 days; always on time and never changing. The sounds of clocks ticking away follow him, slowly growing in speed and intensity.

The ticking stops abruptly, silence follows. It cuts to the face of a simplistic but expensive looking analogue clock just as it is about to hit 12. It is revealed that this is the point of view of the man as he checks the time. He stands next to a railway line in an open and run down area, wearing his freshly dry cleaned best suite. a dusty and depressing environment, no other life can be seen. The man stops checking the time and drops his arm.

              Man

          Perfect timing

He calmly lays down on the railway track facing upwards and waits silently.

It cuts to an empty train station, the only movement from a few plastic bags floating in the wind. The camera focuses on an electronic timetable that hangs from the ceiling. A woman’s voice begins to speak through the stations loudspeakers.

              Woman’s voice

          'I am sorry to announce that all trains heading east to            London Victoria have been delayed by 1 hour due to              scheduling problems, we are sorry for the               inconvenience'.

The electronic timetable changes to read delayed and it cuts to black.

The man sighs as the sound of clocks ticking begins again.

End